Connection

[0ddsidian]

@Azalea Story of my life. Self-compassion can be very difficult when you feel you've got to reach those super high expectations, and when your self-worth is linked to them.

[Oaktree]

@Magpie22 @Azalea @BecomingOkay @ccau_82 @0ddsidian 

Now I am wondering if unrelenting standards go along with the abandonment schema? I definitely have both as well. My self-worth is very linked to achievement. This is an interesting thought.

[tyme]

Interesting thought you've raised @Oaktree . Why i say that is because you mentioned that your self-worth is linked to achievement, right? 

I feel that is me too. Hence I have all these sticky notes and I'm super super goal-focussed. I don't stop until I have achieved those things and if I don't achieve them, then I feel like I failed.

I've had these convos with @Captain24 as well. It's the sticky notes that keep me going.

Is this what you mean @Oaktree ?

[Captain24]

Definitely my lists that get me out of bed everyday. @tyme @Oaktree. If I don’t get them done then I’m a complete failure. I don’t earn any me time if the lists aren’t complete

[Oaktree]

@tyme @Captain24 

If I don't do extremely well, I feel like I have failed even if I passed something. It is pretty dumb really. I wish I could be a little more blase about things.

[tyme]

It's hard. Perfectionism can be a pain too @Oaktree . A burden?

[Captain24]

I get that @Oaktree. If it’s not perfect then it’s not good enough. However it is never perfect as the goal posts keep moving.

I’m trying to ever so slowly drop this bar just a little. It’s not easy and I’m really struggling with it but I’m trying to give it a go. I’m hoping that I can be gentle with myself while I attempt to work through this. 

[Oaktree]

@Captain24 @tyme 

I am trying to work on my perfectionism as well. I am trying to remember to celebrate my wins and not just keep moving onto the next thing. As Captain24 says the goal posts keep moving. Yes perfectionism is a burden. Nothing is ever perfect because perfect doesn't exist. No matter how well I do I always say that I could have done better! It's an all or nothing mindset. It is harmful and not helpful.

[Captain24]

It’s black and white thinking @Oaktree. We need to find some shade of grey. Even if it’s just a little bit. I haven’t found it yet myself but it’s another one of those things I’m trying to work on. There is so much to work on and it’s so hard. Just want you to know I get it and I hear you. 

[tyme]

I feel like we all have an element of perfectionism to work on and it's okay that we have this, however, if it becomes an insurmountable issue that gets in the way of your life, then that's when there are red flags? @Oaktree @Captain24 @Magpie22 ?